Post 39. 12/26/24
We turn now to consider a few additional self-reports of prominent gay men who shared their personal journey. It was noted earlier that there are common features that discouraged little boys who will likely become gay from achieving a secure identification with the male role. Remember Post 15 and review it if necessary. A boy’s father is his first and primary model of masculinity and manhood. The father-son relationship is the primary conduit through which the male child’s sense of gendered self evolves.
In his memoire, The David Kopay Story, this distinguished running back was, perhaps, the first professional athlete to tell the world that he was gay. His skills and aggression allowed him to play with several major football clubs, include bng the Green Bay Packers. Of his toughness, Kopay noted, “ I was out to prove that I was in no way less a man because I was homosexual.” Of his home life, he recalled, “I do not remember a time in our house when there was not some kin d o f fight going on between my parents. Not once do I remember them exchanging any kind of love words. …My memories of Dad are chiefly of an aloof figure who was either silent or violently angry. He never called me by my first name, he never called me son. Even now he just says hello to me on the phone ––no name. David always sided with his mother, and his need for masculine identity and belonging through caring rapport with his father was left seriously unmet.
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Post 40 12/27/24
Of his brother, older by two-and one-half-years, David Kopay wrote: “I was always very intimidated by Tony, and we fought constantly, even through college. Largely to get away from home during his high school years, he entered a Catholic junior seminary. He described his relationship there with Father Heyman. He said this strict authoritarian responded to him “with a kind of warmth and affection I had never felt from my father, and I responded to him.” After knee surgery, the Father’s cast prevented him from being able to bend and remove his socks. Kopay related, “A few times after lights out, I went to his room ––– which was off limits to everyone else –– and although in a way it was humiliating to bend down and take off another man's socks and wash his smelly feet, I did it. I felt very close to father Heyman at these times. I felt I was really helping him.” Although the positive relationship with Father Heyman helped, the deeper, affectional male connections Kopay yearned for had not been satisfied and would be pursued through same-sex sexuality. His toughness did not make him a man, nor did his pursuit of masculinity, no matter how many times he knelt and worshiped that idol.
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