If the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, the longest distance is a shortcut. Lust is not love, and the shortcut of symbolic sensual connections cannot meet legitimate identity and relational need.
When boys love and learn from their fathers, they grow up heterosexual, able themselves to be fathers. The childhood of boys who grow up gay is different and estranging. Reports from prominent men are telling. André Gide, French Nobel laureate for literature, noted in his autobiography, If it Die…, that all the amusements of his early childhood were solitary. He wrote that had “no playfellows.” Gide was reared mostly by his mother and reported that his father rarely gave him any of his time. Author, John Reid, penned The Best Little Boy In The World and pined that he never even learned to play baseball, that there was no other boy within miles, and that he could not hammer, saw, or paint, only “set the table.” He noted that in camp, he was kind of a loner and not exactly “loved or accepted.” Merle Miller’s report, On Being Different: What It Means To Be a Homosexual and Jan Morris, transsexual author of Conundrum, both knew their parents desired them to have been born female. In addition, Miller’s nearsightedness prevented him from playing ball well and less likely to link with his peers. All these authors and many more have reported growing up in essentially fatherless homes, too close to their mothers, untutored in masculine skills and, for various reasons, not fitting in well with other boys.
Emotional bonds Alan Turing had with his mother and father were likely damaged when he was one year old. At that tender age, his parents returned to India, leaving him in England in the care of a foster family. Generally, Alan had more of his mother's attention growing up, as his father was frequently away at military posts. Later Allen occasionally resisted his father's authority. As an adult, his brilliant work led to breaking the Nazi communication code and the defeat of Hitler's troops. His insights led to the development of the computer. His remarkable intelligence and odd habits occasionally set him apart from others. He was left hungry for more intimate relationships with those of his own gender.
Both touring and English poet and novelist, Steven spender, wrote of being estranged from and mistreated by peers at school. In his autobiography, world within world, he remembered schoolmates revenge or his eating their crust of bread. “They tied some ropes which they had found, around my hands and feet, and then pulled in different directions. After this I was flung down a hole at the back of the platform of the school dining room called the kipper hole because heads of kippers were thrown there.” Tourings biographer, Andrew Hodges, wrote: “Alan had no friend, and at least once in this year he was trapped underneath some loose floorboards in the house day room by the other boys.”
All of these youth who grew up gay were on the outside of maleness looking in and wanting in, but unable to be genuinely a part of the Esprit decor. No father son bond, less male self, no natural fit with others and no chum ships. Their relational hunger drove them to the sensual symbolic shortcut which was only an evanescent hint of belonging and which in no way could have met their need to fully belong and feel psychologically completely male. They did not measure up and did not fit in.
Comments